I am lucky. I truly am. However, far too often, I forget. I tend to let things, moments, emotions get the best of me and make me feel down when I really have no reason to be. Of course, I've come to terms with the fact that it's fine for me to be upset even if I know that I am lucky with what I have and what surrounds me. Regardless, it happens, and I hate it.
It's these moods that overcome me that make me want to stand alone, be quiet for a while. Not be touched, smiled at, talked to. It's like a moment when I know that I need space before I go completely insane. Naturally, university brings this out in me more than anything else. I let all of the stress of wanting to be the best that I can be overwhelm me. And of course, being 19 and still trying to figure out who I am and what I want never helps. It's this ever lasting confusion that likes to attack me when i'm down and unsure.
Moments like those (these) make me want to fall down, break down, and pray for hours on end. Of course, university has it's funny ways of keeping me busy. Be it with friends, homework, classes, volunteer work; it has it's ways. I know, of course, that this is now excuse, and I would love to stay up all night, sacrificing sleep in order to pray and call out to God for help, but that will have to wait.
The reason I make myself wait to pray is that I see no reason in praying out of anger. God is not responsible for your anger. You are. In this case, I am responsible for my anger. When I am calm, and in a comfortable space, I know that I can pray and understand God much better than in anger.
Maybe for some of you, this blog will seem like I am simply spilling out emotions. You're right. I am. But that is how I felt the blog should go today. To some of you, this blog may simply be something you've stumbled upon, or maybe it's something you check every few days. For me, it's a place to write and be heard with no judgement. I'm not forcing anyone to read, therefor I feel the right to say exactly what is on my mind and I thank everyone who reads and gives me feedback.
Moral of today's blog; I'm human. I get angry. I don't blame God. I let him take me and lead me to happiness again. No more straying. (Amen to that! haha)
Get angry. It's normal.
Let Go(d) .
